All the Complaining

This is the page for bitching. I will endeavor to keep it as pro-active as possible, but you will inevitably catch me blowing off steam without recourse or redirection. I apologize in advance. There are some frustrations that we incur when we leap out and away from the world of our personal norms. If you read this section, you will at least get a real-deal overview of what it's actually like to live here, warts and all. None of that rosy-glass B.S. that I found all over the place when I was trying to research the move.

Without further ado, here's what bugs me about India.

Customer Service: Retail

When you first go shopping out and around in Mumbai, you are in for a treat. In many (if not most) places you go, you will find smiling, eager attendants at your elbow from the moment you walk through the doors. 

These well-meaning and mostly very young people are there to help you find what you need. If you don't happen to need a particular item, then they are there to hover around you and give you a hopeful smile and stand in your personal bubble of space until you want to punch them in the face.

When you tell someone you don't need anything, you will basically have to end the sentence by saying some version of, "So please leave me alone." Otherwise they will just shadow you in an awkward and uncomfortable way ad infinitum.

Customer Service: Other

When you need non-retail services you get essentially the inverse treatment to the world of retail. This is to say that you cannot get someone to do something for you to without wheedling, encouraging, persisting, and perhaps threatening. Getting your internet installed? Cool. As nearly as I can ascertain, all the providers are roughly the same. Let me hear about why I'm off my rocker in the comments. 

Once it is established that you are entering into a service agreement with an organization, your work shall begin. Your work? Oh yes, my friend - your work. To get what you have paid for you will have to assume a supervisory role. It will be your job to call the the person that sold you service and whomever they refer you to for follow-up, otherwise they just won't show up.

My sweet little 'technicians' that did my internet install were precious. All bright eyes and bare feet, doing their damndest to hide the fact that they mostly had no f***ing clue what they were doing. And there were many of them, showing up in shifts. These shifts began after I would call the aforementioned customer 'service' personnel 2-5 times. The standard time frame given for a task is "very soon," or, "in an hour." Think of this as the Indian version of the cable guy telling you that he'll be there between 10AM - 3PM. It means nothing except that your day is about to be spent a-waiting.

This customer 'service' representative will avoid telling you that the simplest of tasks is devolved into the absolute maximum number of micro-tasks. Each of these micro-tasks takes two to three 'technicians.' Also, they have nothing in the way of proficiency or give-a-shit in terms of scheduling these fellows in some sort of cohesive manner. It is abundantly clear that no one's time is worth anything at all in India.

Anyway, if you're diligent and if you work hard and show great tenacity, you may find yourself getting the service you have paid for completed. Good work! Now you just wait until something inevitably breaks down, and you get to start all over again.

Getting Around

Let me open this segment by first expressing my gratitude. I am so undeniably glad that it is 2019, and that I now carry the internet around in my pocket. I am thankful for the GPS satellites hurdling through space above my head, like invisible guardian angels that let me know that there is, in fact, a way home. I am also tremendously thankful for things I took for granted at home; these things include street names, signs that contain street names, and that places are assigned addresses within this context of named streets. It had never, ever occurred to me that there was an alternative way to manage the question of where one is or where one is going. 

As it turns out there is an entirely different way to deal with these questions. That is to simply skip it. 

My first outing in Mumbai was an easy stroll around the neighborhood. My rate of stroll might be a little more intensive than average, but I did not set out with the intention of putting on serious mileage for the day. Since I'd made some logistical errors discussed elsewhere, I was without 4G and all the associated blessings that this would entail. I was about to learn some valuable lessons.